mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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