You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
