my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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