Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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