I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
