I feel great
I just peed on a car
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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