I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
