Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
