Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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