i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
