Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
