the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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