wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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