I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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