Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just made out with a guy for $7.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
