First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
