It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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