the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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