"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
This toilet bowl is my home.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
