Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize