I cannot find my penis.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I need water and some morals
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
