every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
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