This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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