I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
