I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
