She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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