Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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