I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Text me some of your sweat
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
