lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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