Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
