I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
