I wanna passion pit in your ass
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
