My nipple is on Facebook.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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