I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
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