A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
