I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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