I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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