I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I party with great urgency now.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
