There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
