Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
