my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
