we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
