Banned from zoo.
Again?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
