RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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