apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
