The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
