Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
