It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
