I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
