The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
