I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude i'm inner monologue high
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
