I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
