We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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