My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
