I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize