Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
