If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
