the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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