whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
