I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So gin and wine won't be happening again
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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