Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
