you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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