I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
