I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
