When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
