walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
