Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
