She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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