i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
