Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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