Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize