My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
