We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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