have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Randomize
